By Bunmi Sofola
Dear Bunmi,
My girlfriend is an official member of a leading Pentecostal church and she takes her religion seriously – so much so that she always recoils at the idea of having sex. She says it’s against the teachings of the Bible. This makes me sad. I am a Christian myself and I go to a reputable orthodox church from time to time. My girlfriend’s attitude is really upsetting me. I know a lot of our religious friends who are happy in fulfilling sexual relationships, why should our situation be different? At times I even wonder if she’s not hiding something more sinister from me. I’ve asked her to reach some sort of compromise by giving me oral sex but she says nothing can be done sexually until we are married. It seems as if she is using her religion as a bait for us to get married. What can I do? If she turns out to be a pig-in-a-poke after we get married, what could I do? Do you think there’s anything I can say to change her views? I want her so much.
Funsho by e-mail.
Dear Funsho,
As you must have realised by now when people have deep religious beliefs, it is impossible to change their views and unwise and unfair to try. It doesn’t matter that some religious people do have sex before marriage, what matters is that your girlfriend doesn’t believe in it. You want to know what you can do? Why not marry her if you want her so desperately?
If you really love each other and believe you could have a good life together, marriage should be the next step. That way, you could have all the sex you want without messing up her life. But, if marriage is not in your agenda, then call the relationship off and move on. That should also free her to find someone who believes what she believes. Then both of you will be happy.
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