I’m Depressed and I Can’t Stop Cutting

 

I started cutting myself like two months ago and I can’t stop. I have been so insecure since forever, I have always hated my self and then my sister stopped eating so she began calling me fat. Every single day, and even my dad talked about my weight :( so one night I was in the kitchen and my dad had his razor blade on the counter, no body was in the kitchen..so I cut my arm. I really liked the feeling of cutting, and it took my mind off things. A couple days later, my mom looked at my arms and she saw weird scars, and she knew I cut myself. So I had to explain everything to her and how I felt about my self. She told my dad and my sister and then it turned in to this whole big thing, but she never sent me to therapy or asked for my blade back. My sister never apologized and she still calls me fat :( some times she will get bad at me and tell me to go cut myself.

Now I’m suffering from depression and all I ever think about it is cutting and killing myself because I feel so worthless. Every single day, I’m all alone and I have no one to talk to. I did make a friend online, her name was Mimi and she helped through a lot of my depression. I was 48 days clean, but she left me..so I broke like two days ago and I can’t stop. All I keep doing is cutting, and I don’t want my mom to find out because she’s going to send me to therapy I bet. And I’m scared of therapy, because I’m afraid if I tell the therapists everything, they’ll tell my parents :( and depression might be another thing my sister will tease me about.

A: I am so sorry this is happening to you. You deserve to feel better, and the conditions you are describing need to be improved. Since your mom and dad know tell them you want to go to your pediatrician or therapist. If they don’t take you please tell your story to your school counselor. He or she will make sure you get the help you need. By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP